I feel deeply afraid and I need to share my burdens with you.
I have worked so hard over the last thirteen years to build my Art career. I have tried so many different avenues; prints, fabrics, classes, retreats, e-courses, stationery, homewares, clothes, jewellery, blogging, logo design, commissions, murals, community Art, you name it. It's been fun, but also a slog to turn this into viable income.
And I have to be honest with you here ... I have reached a point in my Life where I need to let go of this struggle to climb.
I just want to make Art that I Love, share my passions freely, study Education next year to set myself up for the future, take all school holidays off with my little family and actually enjoy my Life.
Art can no longer be my be-all and end-all, because something else has become more important to me ... My family, my health, my Presence.
If making a living as an Artist means I need to spread myself too thin, then it's not what I want anymore ... And this scares the pants off me.
I feel frustrated that I am at this point right now. I feel grief for letting this go and reaching a point where financial/fame via my Art is too higher price to pay. I feel resentful (yet also strangely grateful) that Motherhood has forced me to reassess my priorities and slow down on a dream I have pursued for so long. I feel scared that my Art is so rich and beautiful now, yet I am wasting it away by not chasing it so furiously anymore. I feel hurt that my originals aren't selling at this point, when they are so rich and beautiful and alive. I feel scared by what success could actually do to my life.
Realistically, right now I only truly have time/desire to make my original artworks, share my process as I go and develop some occasional little e-book or card deck side-dreams.
I don't want a schedule I have to live by. I don't want to be business-driven anymore. I want to make my Art, for me and I have strayed so far from this at times on my path.
I am afraid because I don't know if this is enough or if I should be 'doing' more at this point in my career ... But I do know this is what I NEED.
I have so many skills, so much to share, so much passion and I worry that I am wasting them with my new choices ... Yet these choices come deep from within me, from a place, a Beingness that knows deeply how to care for and nourish my Spirit. It comes from You, God and I hear your call whisper ... And yet I am afraid.
Please help me along this new, softer, clearer path ahead. Please help me to leave behind this old struggle energy so that I can be present and share my experience with those I loVe without constantly thinking I should be doing more.
Please help me to grieve my losses and transform into something new and rich and clean and free.
I am ready to BE and CREATE a beautiful, Spirit-rich, Authentic Life and share this simple beauty with others who resonate.
Thank you in advance for this clarity and the supportive arms that hold and support me on my new journey.
All my Love,