I don't know about you, but I can be stupidly indecisive at times. Ask Husband. Just don't ask me, you might take a while to get an answer!
Turquoise stripes or red stripes on my coffee cup today? Hmmm ... which one best matches how I'm feeling? I like the red, because it's bold, but the turquoise is my favourite colour. Ummm ...
The little things in Life are pretty easy to remedy (just pick a bloody cup!!), but when there's something BIG on the horizon I need to decide about, like leaving my job to become a full-time Artist, then it's a little harder to see the forest for the trees!
So, I've been doing some thinking lately about the ingredients that go into making a 'right' decision. I am writing out loud here, because for me, everything becomes clearer when it's out of my head and onto paper (or canvas).
Would you like to hear them? Here goes ...
How to make a 'right' decision
Ask yourself, is it based in fear?
Sometimes in my Art, I find myself feeling afraid to add anything to an unfinished piece, in case I 'stuff it up'. Does it feel 'right' to stay still, when I want to move forward? Rarely. That's how I know sticking my head in the sand won't help this time. It's time for action - anything that moves me forward - even a baby step of adding an outline to painting, or cutting down my hours at work can help. I don't have to do it all at once, but I do need to do something.
Fear can be an inner indication that love is required here. The quicker this happens, the faster the shift, I've learned.
When I'm making this decision, who am I trying to please?
Oftentimes, I already know what decision needs to be made. But it is worrying about how this impacts on others, that can hold me back from making it.
'If I paint this entire background pastel pink, won't people think it looks childish and girly?' ... Or ... 'If I quit my job and find something else, won't my boss get angry and I might end up hating it?' ... Or ... What if my Husband/Wife/Mother needs me? I better stay put.
Yup, that's true. All these things might happen. But if we're already feeling shitty, staying here will only feel worse, and you have to live with you - and so do they! When I do something for me and from my heart, I move into new territory.
It's not selfish to put yourself first, even in front of your kids, if that decision comes from deep within your soul.
That's because an act of self-love is always best for everyone else. Always. Always. Always. I return with a full, exploding heart, as opposed to resentment. Everyone benefits.
What if it's not meant to be?
I'm a believer in fate to some degree, but I'm also a believer in creating our own paths in Life. When I'm feeling indecisive, I know I'm floating in no-mans-land, between these two areas of belief. Part of me feels like my Life is happening TO me, the other part understands I CREATE my own experiences.
I know which realm I'd prefer to live in.
The way I get over this, is just to pick one action and align with it fully [kudos: Abraham Hicks}. If I choose to paint over an entire painting with white because that's what feels right to me, than by golly, I give myself 100% permission to do this. And when the 'what if' comes chiming in, I hear it then instantly replace it with my 100% back-myself sentence. I have power in this situation. I choose! Fate can get fucked - unless it's awesome. My Life is mine to Live!
Do I need a back-up plan?
Sometimes when we're contemplating making big, bold Life decisions, having a back-up plan can be really helpful. When I decided to quit my job and become a full-time Artist, I did it with a back-up plan to help me feel safer in moving forward.
I chatted it over with Husband and we decided to trial the bold move for three months and see how it goes (Husband is stay-at-home-Dad with our little 2 year old). If, after three months, we had eaten up a big chunk of our savings and going backwards financially, then Hubby would get a part-time job to help cover costs. Imagine the relief this back-up plan created.
This approach made me even more determined to make the most of my new Life situation, because now I felt both empowered and supported to grow. The key here was in realising I didn't have to be superwoman and do it all myself.
Life is like this, too.
When we are gentle with ourselves, when we follow our feelings, listen to our own needs, take charge or our choices and begin to please ourselves, the right decision naturally becomes us. We can make big, bold decisions that propel us into dream territory, but we first need to get real with ourselves.
This isn't to say that 100% of the time, there will be sparkly, painted rainbows and cheery little leprechauns heralding us on our journey forward. Sometimes, my paintings will look worse for a moment and my Life will feel up-heaved, both during and after making such drastic choices to back myself fully.
But when we can't go back, we can always move forward.
In life, we may not be able to use a bucket and sponge to wipe out our experiences, but we can say sorry when we need to and choose again (and again) as we go. We can ask for help when we're struggling and have a back up plan that relaxes our insides.
Our spirits can shine that little bit brighter, because we know we're honoring ourselves for a 'change'.
All of these things keep cultivating that little seed within us to grow. No matter how small, heart-seeds will take root and before we know it, there will be flower buds blooming, where once there was dust! Your own little heart garden can begin to bloom. All of this takes guts, determination and more than anything, buckets of self-love.
And the more we do it, the less chaos in our lives, because self-love begins to be our norm.
We all deserve to feel loved; more than anything, from ourselves. Let's make something truly self-nourishing happen, today. I'd love you to share your new choices in the comments section.
Love Chrissy x