This morning I want to share a personal love story with you. It has nothing to do with Art and everything to do with Love ...
Over the years, my Husband and I have been through some pretty rough times together. We first met back in late 1999 through a mutual friend and after coming through a couple of (very) rocky patches in our relationship, we made a mutual decision: We wanted to be in this together ... for a Lifetime.
Our wedding was small. We had no bridesmaids or groomsmen, and only our direct family and a handful of friends come along to share our day with us. It was outdoors, amongst huge fig trees and filled with special, collaborative moments with our guests. For us, getting married was the most publicly loving and vulnerable moments of our lives and we wanted to be surrounded by people who knew us well and could celebrate with us intimately.
We wanted to feel love and share love, with freedom.
Over the years, both of us have grown and changed. Sometimes, we blossom together, other times, one of us is racing ahead or behind, while the other plays catch up. Our relationship hasn’t been without challenges, particularly because he and I are opposite in just about every way you can imagine – except one.
We believe deeply and fiercely in Love.
I could share here all the hard times we’ve had. I could share how we’ve almost lost each other, over and over, only to reconnect stronger than ever. But what I really want to share is how we get through our rough times. It is this:
It only takes one person to deeply surrender 'being right' in exchange for Being Love.
Feeling love stops fights in their tracks, because there's no energy to propel them forward.
We can use all the excuses under the sun, why he is wrong or she needs to change or stop nagging or start doing. But you know what? All of that stuff, all of that angst, all of the practice fights we have in our heads to give us ammo for our future battles … all leads to the opposite of love.
It takes us away from who we really are and why we came together in the first place. Love.
When we notice we’ve locked horns for extended periods of time … when we notice the resentment and blame growing … when we feel tired and overwhelmed … when we’re vulnerable and scared … these are all signs we’ve forgotten to love.
To heal any fight, it only takes one of us to crack open our hearts to love.
This means an:
- ‘I’m sorry’, even when we’ve felt hard-done-by – because they have too.
- Listening to the other person’s feelings - rather than trying to make them realise ours.
- ... And more than anything, being willing to feel love - rather than hate in our hearts.
The day I realised it’s never about him, but everything to do with withholding a feeling of love in my body, was the day I could give up being right.
We still have our fights. We still drift apart from time to time. But one of us inevitably remembers to bring love back into our hearts. And every time we have, it has instantly melted the other person’s fears away, because rather than choosing to be right, we chose to share love.
I’ll leave you today with our wedding vows and the painting we had our wedding cake under. They feel just as poignant today as the day we shared them.
I take you as my friend and love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquillity, asking that you be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, growing and learning in every way I can, in all the ways that life may find us.
Love you, Jeffy!