I've got a secret to share with you. I've been feeling really vulnerable lately and I haven't been totally sure why. If I'm honest, it's been going on for a while now ... months, even years and possibly, my whole life.
I think sometimes we tell ourselves it's easier to keep busy / running around looking after others / doing 'stuff', than to actually face ourselves when we're feeling 'a bit off' ... because quite frankly, we don't have time for fall-aparts.
All I know is I've been feeling fatigued and pulled under by something ... something that felt really big and heavy and unfortunately, very familiar.
Then last week I experienced a deeply profound moment. A complete stranger (above) offered us his generous, angelic help at the beach ... in the middle of winter ... when he waded up to his neck in the sea to fetch my son's ball for him, after it rolled out to sea too quickly for us to catch it (read the full story HERE).
This astonishing act of kindness shifted the bedrock inside me. I felt floored. Cracked open. Shaken like a snow globe, filled with genuine generosity and Spirit. And in that moment, I finally touched what has been fatiguing me:
I feel deeply unaccustomed to letting help in - and it's utterly bogging me down.
If I'm honest with you, I have carried this feeling with me most of my life. Since becoming a Mother and more recently, the breadwinner in our family, the feelings has grown ten-fold. I've told myself that if I just worked harder, did more, or gave more or myself, I could get us over to the calmer side of the lake. But all I've been doing is rowing myself into even more fatigue, with a hefty dose of guilt to prevent me from taking relax-time (and actually letting myself enjoy it).
Sound familiar at all? I'm sure I'm not alone here.
Then along came a stranger, who gifted me with some new possibilities in my thinking ...
If someone I've never met is willing to go to such great lengths to help me and my family, what could this be telling me?
Could I be inherently worthy of being helped?
Could it be possible that my nearest and dearest might enjoy extending their help to me also?
And could it be possible that it's a gift, not a burden, to ask for it?!
Definitely new food for thought.
Soon after my experience, I began this new collage to work through some of my feelings. I didn't think about it, I just sifted through magazine images and photos of my paintings, and began to assemble them to match how I was feeling.
When I sat down for my morning meditation to check-in and journal a few words to describe how I was feeling, I realised I'd written 'tired' and 'confused' and 'impatient' consistently for a few days running. I finally asked myself, 'What do I really need today?' ... and today, I truly gave myself time to listen to the answer.
I need hugs and support. I need to let help in.
As I closed my eyes to focus on this self-care intention, I had a vision. I imagined myself surrounded by many, many people, strangers and loved ones alike, all joining hands to hug me and support me.
I saw myself letting go of the struggle, letting go of working-to-control-it-all and letting go in my body. I felt financially and spiritually and naturally supported, as if it was normal to do so. And, it felt so, so good.
You don't have to do it all alone. There are people here for you.We're here for you. Feel that.
I decided I would use that beautiful circular shape from my meditation as a symbol for letting help in. I weaved it into my mixed media collage, over and over, within the rose, around the emerging shapes. Over and over, I drew it and invoked it and I felt what it would feel like, to let help in.
As I painted, I imagined with each symbol that the feeling was becoming stronger in my Life. I imagined myself supported financially, so I don't have to do it all alone anymore. I imagined myself supported as a Mother, as a Wife, Business owner, as an Artist, as a Family member, as a Friend. I imagined people I don't even know, open and willing to lend me a hand, without anything in return.
I let myself receive. I let myself feel supported. And I said from within me, towards myself:
I'm here for you.
I'm letting help in and this is what emerged from my Spirit.
For me, honouring this insight may be a long road ahead. I may fall down and forget at times, in fact I'm very likely to, as it's been my default way of being for so many years.
But it's no longer my excuse.
I'm finally committed to saying when I need help.
I'm finally allowing others to be accountable for their own lives.
I'm finally allowing my needs to be heard.
I'm finally starting to use my voice, even when it feels hard.
I'm finally letting the Universe hear me and be here for me.
And I'm feeling a deep healing occur.
Now, I turn to you. Are you ready to let help in too? Can you share any tips on letting help in? Would you love to help me somehow, with words or insights or deeds or meaningful connections? (Gosh, that was a hard one to ask!)
Leave me a comment below to share.
P.S. The Original Artwork of 'Letting Help In' is in my shop here and will soon also be available as a print in the coming weeks, when I launch a beautiful and big new range. Subscribe here for updates, or keep your eyes peeled, or share my site with those you love. I can't wait to share them with you Xx.