I love writing. Writing 'does something' for me and always has, in ways that my Art alone, cannot.
I use my Art as a visual playground; a place where I can be as free and imaginative as I want to be; I place where I can speak in Artsy metaphors and colours and shapes; a place to boldly or literally or secretly express my truth with symbols; a place where ideas descend into my Spirit, seemingly from the clouds.
On the other hand ...
Writing is my time to Get Real with Myself. It grounds me and collects all those whimsical dandelion seeds swirling round in my skies and allows them to take root on my Earth. Writing helps me understand my thoughts and patterns, how the language in my mind is impacting my Life; and whether I'm feeling strangled by weeds or comfortably shaded under a beautiful fig tree. I do love to grow, but maybe that's not all I love.
Most times in my Life, there's a bit of everything happening. Writing and Arting, Weeding and Shading, Imagining and Growing. And since my break-down, I am beginning to realise that this is okay.
At any one time, there are always going to be weeds in my garden and fig trees to rest under and a whole lotta other stuff in between. No matter how good a student I'd like to be at Life and no matter how well I tend to my garden, shitty things are still going to happen and wonder will still appear on my doorstep.
So maybe it's time to Relax into it all.
Trying to be in control of everything that happens in Life, I am learning, is a job I can never do happily. I know now from where I stand, that trying to keep my garden pristine from the weeds, prevents me from also enjoying time under my fig tree. Sometimes weeding feels good, but all the time? Now that's back-breaking work. And that's what I was doing before, so very, very often.
So, I have decided that now ...
I want to feel more Love and Choice and Surrender in my Life.
I want to Share my Thoughts and my Colours and my Pain and my Healing more Freely.
I want to Feel and Think with Less Perfect and More Real. I want to Honour the Daisies and the Tornadoes and the Fig Trees and the Weeds.
I want to Connect and Collect and Let Go and Inspire and Walk Alongside.
I want to experience the Kindness of Strangers and Loved Ones and Step-Up to the Sun and the Moon, in times of Grief and Joy.
More than anything, I feel so compelled to have courage and not shut down during this time of Surrender and Healing.
I want to Open my Heart and Mind and use my Art and my Writing to capture and express this time in my Life, because I feel so deeply that this story needs to be told.
I somehow know that I Deeply Matter. And so do You. My Story, Your Story, there's so much we share. I feel it in my bones and in my pores and in the incredibly intense sensations swirling within my stomach and heart.
Somehow, some way, this is all happening as it should be and it is a great gift of Love to be experiencing this. Somehow, I will endeavour to capture and share this journey so you can know Me and I can know You and Together, we can know that We Are Okay in this crazy, tumultuous, beautiful, kind, cruel, infinite world of Possibility.