I often talk about feeling free and expressive in my painting process. But the truth is, I also go through stages of feeling completely psyched out and afraid. Remember this painting in progress I shared with you last month? It got to the stage of being almost at the finish line ... and then I froze, completely petrified to move forward.
There was so much I loved about this piece already, but I also recognised an intuitive calling from within, a yearning to express more. It was not yet finished.
But so many thoughts ran through my head ... What if I made it look too busy? What if I added something and it threw off the whole piece and months of hard work? What if the next addition called for another ... then another ... would this bloody painting ever end?
But through all the angst, I knew I had to do something - anything. All those months of work would be a waste anyway if I wasn't happy with it as is. So, I began by taking timid, tippy tiny steps. A little line-work here, a little shading there.
But then all the small stuff ran out. A bold step was needed.
The inspiration came when I got some new Art materials in the post from my fave shop (these guys also interviewed me recently HERE). When I unwrapped them I experienced that familiar, playful sense of excitement again, especially when I realised my new lotus stencil would make the perfect heart symbol to represent love for my family.
Making that first bold move opened up the space for the energy to flow once again.
I blocked in the lotus shape first in a glazed white. Then I filled the lotus heart with all the golds, purples and metallic pinks I could muster to illustrate my feelings of Love.
I embellished the tree to feel overflowing with ripe, golden abundance, created the leaves into vines and adorned bejewelled necklaces and fairy lights throughout the tree's golden branches.
The very last addition was finishing the peacock itself. She was Me.
Right at the last minute, without even planning it, lines of silvery, vibrant energy began coursing over her rich turquoise body. My hands seemed to move by themselves, guided by some beautiful, intuitive energy and before I knew it, she was complete. I was complete.
Here she is Rising Phoenix:
How beautifully fitting that I finally finished painting 'Rising Phoenix' on Mother's Day.
When I wrote about her in my shop, I was able to articulate the long, unfolding journey behind the painting.
'Rising Phoenix' is a story about a Mother's journey (mine) back home to herself and her family; returning after a long sojourn through anxiety, breakdown and post natal recovery. Here she is, rising stronger and wiser than ever, knowing that to Love and care for Self is just as important as giving to those She Loves.
I could not be happier with how she has emerged and in fact, how my Life has unfolded to date. All the recent and past trials and triumphs have made me who I am today, right now, in this moment. For me, Rising Phoenix is a testament to courageously moving forward, through fear, doubt and perceived weakness, into a place where deep inside, everything I wanted to become was already there.
Art teaches me that I'm more than I believe sometimes - we all are - and I'm realising that sometimes leaping over that big, gaping canyon into the unknown is the only way we can find the riches and jewels already existing within our beautiful, innate Spirit.
If 'Rising Phoenix' speaks deeply to you too, she is currently available for $750 in my online shop HERE. Layby available.
All my Love,